Regrouping

It's been nearly two weeks. I wish I could say that I've been using the time in some kind of remarkable and productive fashion, but that's not true. Productive, maybe, but not remarkable. I've mostly been inching forward, trying to tame my household...working away at piles of laundry, wrangling my kids, and picking up the same toys over and over and over again. For the last two days the house has been in pretty good shape. I'm caught up on laundry. The pantry and the refrigerator are stocked, at least for the time being. It feels nice, but it wasn't easy.

I'm a terrible housekeeper by nature. I have always found it perplexing (and frustrating) that God would intend me for a life where running a home is such a huge part of my job and then leave me so ill-equipped to do it. Why? So I'll know when my living room rug is visible that it's to His glory and not due to any greatness of my own? So that I'll mourn the relentless slide of our fallen world into entropy? To test and refine my patient neat freak of a husband? I don't get it.

This is one of the many reasons why He is God and I am not.

Anyhow, my home has been at least temporarily cajoled, bullied, and strong-armed into submission. We'll see how long it lasts. In the meantime, I'm turning my attention back to the list.

One thing I HAVE been doing lately is thinking. My list needs some editing if it's going to be both useful and fun. Some of my goals were a little overly ambitious, I think, so I'm trying to adjust. When I put the thing together I was trying to look for ideas that fit one of the following categories:

1. Things that require me to be brave, even a little bit. I have very little natural courage. Curiosity, yes, but not courage. However, I serve a great God who would have me put away my fear and trust Him. I'm working on it. If I live to be an old woman, I want to be a brave one. (ex: trips to NYC, sushi, spiritual conversations, writing, public singing)
   
2. Things that will help me to stay engaged and present in the moments of my life. I'm far too easily contented with meandering through routines, shifting my mind into neutral. If that becomes too much of a habit, the remainder of this year (not to mention the next 40) will simply slip through my fingers. I want to challenge the routine of my life. (ex: geocaching, crafts, recipes)
   
3. Things that I can, and should, enjoy now, while I'm still young by I-don't-actually-need-a-walker-yet standards. (kickball, finger painting, walking in the rain)
4. Things that will help me to streamline, to cast off that which holds me back or clutters up my life. (losing the rest of this weight, getting rid of clutter)
5. Things that make me better. Relationally, spiritually, physically, professionally, personally. (ex: travel with Mark, character plans for the kids, memorizing Scripture, reading good stuff)

All of those are true, but I think the heart of it lies in #2: I don't want to just tumble through my life. I want to live it well, and purposefully, and joyfully. That's what the list is about.

That said, I'm making some changes.

• I'm downgrading the number of crafts I'm trying to do with my kids. I still want to do them, but I'm also trying to read with them more, and to be more active with them, and there are only so many hours in the day.
• I'm going to put off my "mom's book" email for a while. It's the first step in pursuing a book idea I've had in the back of my mind, and it's a solid one, I think, but the odds of starting that AND a novel this year? Not good. It will have to wait.
• I'm switching out "host a creative night" (another good idea that will have to wait) in favor of a "Just Dance" party with some women. Reason: a creative night would be easy. I stink at "Just Dance," but it's fun and active, and it would require me to be a little braver.
• I'm ditching the flash mob. Turns out they're hard to find. It would be fun, but it's not important enough to me to force the issue.
• In place of the two things I've dropped I'm adding a complete and updated Flylady control journal (more on that later) and cleaning out all my closets.

I don't know if there's anyone still reading this thing, especially now that I vanished for two weeks. Maybe it's just me on here, and that's ok. But I'm still around, and still plugging away. If you're out there I'll let you know how it goes. :)