The title of this post is a term that I purloined from a friend because I love it. It refers to that feeling you got in the pit of your pre-adolescent belly when you had a math test you hadn't studied for, or had to give your first public speech, or braved the first day of middle school. A vague, unsettling anxiety that puts a little lump in your throat and makes you sort of want your mom. Or chocolate. But mostly your mom.
I currently have a raging case of sixth grade stomachache stemming from the imminence of the duathlon I'm scheduled to be in tomorrow.
You guys, I'm scared. Really, actually frightened--like with an elevated heart rate and everything.
I don't know how to get there. Leaving at 5 am will barely give me enough time. I've never raced anyone on my bike, and truth be told I haven't even ridden it very much lately. And by lately I mean in the last 10 years. Mark and I took a 20 mile ride a couple of weeks ago, but that was at a pretty leisurely pace. I can run four miles, but with a 14 mile bike ride in between??
I was looking at last year's finish times, and I'm realizing that it's very, very possible that I will come in dead last.
Beyond that, I have NO idea what kind of etiquette may be involved in this sort of thing.
And I'm going all by myself.
If it weren't for the $80, I'd SO be backing out right now.
I'm trying to combat the 6th grade stomachache with logic. Who cares if I finish last? Who cares if I blow a tire and can't finish? Who cares if I do something totally humiliating? Who's going to know? What do I care what 500 total strangers think of me? And this is one of the main reasons I wrote this list in the first place, right? To push the boundaries of my comfort zone? To do things that scare me? Right? Right?
It's not working. But it's too late to turn back now.
Maybe my mom's not busy tomorrow.